Throwback Screencap Recap: 2005 SEC Championship

We’re paying a visit to 2005 for this week’s live-ish blog, and I don’t even have time to write an introduction because this meet is comedy gold within the first five seconds.

“For the last 15 years, the SEC trophy has been lifted by one of two teams: the Alabama Crimson Tide…”

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“…and the Georgia Gymdogs.”

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Yet another unrealistic body expectation for women.

Georgia is the defending champion, but anyone could win if we believe the commentary. I don’t, personally. Let’s talk about LSU wearing jerseys as warmups in this fluff.

D-D fashion update from previously mentioned fluff—exactly what you’d expect.

OK, now we have to get through a LOT of chatting before anyone does actual gymnastics. Sarah and Suzanne say they consider the SEC title to be of equal importance to a national title, and both subtly imply that the other doesn’t care as much.

This is my face watching them.

One commentator is Jenn Hildreth, whom I’ve never heard of but Google tells me is now very successful as a soccer commentator. But look who’s got the second microphone here!

We’re supposed to be looking at Rhonda, but I’m just staring at the RAINBOW LEO STRAPS. Are those sequins?? (Also Rhonda is soooo young.)

Guys. D-D is wearing normal clothes.

Don’t panic, maybe this is just her warm up gear and she’s going to change for the meet.

Wait, they do a real life draw where coaches rip paper off of event cards to find out where they start. Bring this back. Better than just sticking a PDF on the website a week prior by a MILE.

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So this is a seven-event rotation. Missouri isn’t here because it used to be Big 12, and everyone else is dumped in one session together.

Alabama’s training leotard is iridescent and has a pattern that was definitely copied off a textured ceiling from the ’70s.

People who might win the all around include Ashley Miles (Alabama), April Burkholder (LSU) and Kelsey Ericksen (Georgia). These never mean anything to me until I see them do actual gymnastics.

Some things never change, like the LSU fan section being cray.

Michelle Emmons starting the meet off for Georgia, and nothing says 2000s like a double straddle-out.

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She’s the only senior at Georgia. Tons of amplitude on everything, really fun.

Suzanne’s outfit is a Lot.

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Mari Bayer up for Alabama, wearing a velvet leotard that I’m pretty sure I’ve also seen on Stanford. I’m in love from the mount sequence.

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Little bit of nerves but winning all the choreo awards. She’s getting a second GIF—I don’t even care. Gorgeous. Some skills happened too.

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Nikki Butler stuck a full for LSU, but more importantly D-D did change her clothes.

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Ashley Kupets up on floor with one of the weirder double pikes of my life.

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This choreo is 90 percent body rolls. They told us her Achilles was hurting, and I believe it because she basically hopped back to the team after her routine.

Burkholder up on vault! OK full, not life changing.

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Georgia floor choreo is cracking me up. The others are probably equally bad, but I’ll be immune to it by the end of the meet. For now though, every little wiggle thing…

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I like this girl though—Katie Heenan I think?—because she turns out on her lunges and it just looks nice.

Ashley Miles of Alabama is finishing up the rotation for us. “She added this event this year to complete herself as an all around gymnast.” TO COMPLETE HERSELF, you guys.

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OK, girl. Commentators are calling that if she stays on she’ll win, and she’s doing it, but there are some split issues. Ouch, over rotates her double back dismount and sits it.

Terin Humphrey is bringing the white girl cornrows here.

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“Look close, you see those Olympic rings on her back left shoulder” OH WE’RE LOOKING CLOSE.

Now we’re getting a bunch of fluff about Olympics shiny silver medals little chosen child college team is a more team-y team than Olympic team very humble teammates love her wouldn’t even know she’s an Olympian, etc., etc.

Sarah says “When we went to the airport, she checked the silver medals in her luggage and she carried her picture of Brad Pitt with her on the plane.” You cannot make this stuff up.

In life, you’re either Terin or this Florida girl in the background. Which are you?

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Oh, we’re not done with Terin yet. Here’s her super unique amazing skill, which makes all her teammates stop practicing to state at her.

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The last bit of fluff is actually outdated, telling us Terin is still working back to four events when she’s been competing AA for a few weeks now, so they play it anyway and then make the commentators do the “haha actually that’s a lie…” thing.

This is actually a pretty cool mount. I’m cutting it before the wolf turn, though.

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OK, just a little shaky and under rotated on her double back dismount. I kind of love this Alabama leotard.

Florida here. I’m a fan of this super glossy finish. It’s like one of those mirror glaze cakes. Also, what a name.

She’s reminding me strongly of this guy from being on the internet in elementary school. It’s not a positive memory.

This is great though. Crazy mount and gorgeous in-bar Gienger.

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Auburn is a team that is here. I love this leotard.

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Breanne King doing some serious difficulty on bars for UF.

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Krystle Cook is up for Kentucky on floor, and a couple things happen really quickly here. First, IS IT BLUE OR IS IT GREY. Second, I think this is just an open back with a sports bra underneath, but it’s unclear to me.

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Third, she rolls her ankle on her opening choreo and has to bail on the routine before she even gets to tumble. Huge bummer.

Alabama has had a situation on floor, so Terin who has only done floor a couple times really needs to perform here. Luckily, OMGOLYMPIAN.

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It was pretty fabulous.

Ridiculous bars from Burkholder, 9.900.

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Miles is up on floor and she’s the two-time defending champion, so everyone’s pretty excited about it.

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Great Markelov from Gagnon of LSU. Sorry about the lack of jokes all of a sudden, they’re just… doing good gymnastics? With no commentary chaos? I’m not sure to do with myself.

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Lisa Rennie from LSU crooked on her pike Korbut, freaking ouch. She also did a front handspring to gainer full dismount combination, which is not a connection.

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OH VERY HILARIOUS AND CLEVER

Oh yay, fluff! We’re learning about how Nikki Childs of Georgia is a true performer because she sings Kelly Clarkson sometimes.

Even better, she does gymnastics too.

I’m not sure what exactly is going on here to make these two look so TERRIFIED.

Well, clearly everything’s fine. Relax, Sarah. 9.850 is kind of mean for this.

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So I’ve been thinking this Arkansas leotard is pretty boring, BUT I just saw the sparkle hog on the back. Incredible.

Georgia’s over at bars, Suzanne is making concerned faces but everything’s going fine including Ashley Kupets’ super cool Shushunova.

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One of the best vaults I’ve seen today from Miles from Alabama.

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Terin Martinjak of LSU was thrown into lineup at the last second and her choreography is amazing.

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Heyyyy ACK! This is rotation six, and no one’s gotten a 9.900 on floor yet. It was a more innocent time.

(Update: Five minutes later they revealed that this talking point was a total lie. Oh well.)

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The commentators are debating whether Georgia was considered an under*dog* coming into the meet, and I’m still thinking about this guy.

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Burkholder’s up on floor and same, girl.

Apparently she choreographed this routine herself. It’s quite something.

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Georgia freshman Katie Heenan is up, with the team title on the line and potentially a look at the all around?? It went pretty well.

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This is a very big deal. 9.950!! Everyone’s excited and hugging and whatnot. Georgia wins! Yay!

Wait, there’s still another full rotation to go. Florida and Alabama are fighting over third, which is a bit of a bummer.

Miles is amazing on bars, Hindorff to overshoot as well. Unfortunately, nothing matters any more. She might get an event title out of this.

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Last routine we get to see is OMGOLYMPIAN.

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Final results:

Katie Heenan (UGA) did pick up the all around title after the 9.950 on beam.

Like usual, D-D doesn’t look like she enjoys being interviewed about losing.

They keep telling us they’re going to tell us event winners, but they didn’t.

Come back next Thursday for more ridiculous throwback drama!

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Article by Rebecca Scally

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